I am drifting away in my artistic journey
Recently, I've been feeling as though I'm drifting. It's not a feeling of confusion, as I have clear goals and a place I aspire to be. It's different from being lost; there's not that complete sense of helplessness, but rather a hint of indescribable resignation. I think this is related to managing my illustration side business.
There's no doubt about my passion for painting, but turning it into a sustainable career is another challenge altogether. Each day, I find myself considering whether to let go of illustration as a side business and simply embrace painting as a pure hobby. However, every time this idea crosses my mind, I can't help but feel it's premature to abandon it just yet. I hold onto a glimmer of hope, thinking maybe if I persist a little longer, I might have a break through.
I've experimented with various styles and over the years have gained a small following of people who appreciate my work. I hope to adjust my mindset in the future, no longer wavering between giving up and persevering. Since this is a something I love, I shouldn't always think about giving it up.
I wonder why I feel so adrift. I know what I want to do but I often hesitate. Eventually, I told myself, maybe I didn’t need to figure out the meaning of this wandering. Maybe wandering is an inevitable journey in life. Maybe this isn't a negative feeling after all?
I sincerely hope to see a glimmer of hope on the rough road of my illustration side business. But I remind myself to give myself enough time to create things I love. I want to tell my story and emotions through illustration. Every time I pick up a brush, it's an expression of life and an exploration of my inner world. I believe that even amidst drifting, even amidst twists and turns, I can find belonging and direction in this sea of creativity.
Are you also that drifting little boat? If so, I see you.
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最近，我感到自己仿佛在漂泊。这种感觉并非迷茫，因为我心中有着明确的目标和向往的地方。它与迷茫不同，没有那种彻底无助的感觉，但却伴随着一丝难以言喻的无奈。我想这与我在经营插画副业有关。
对绘画的热爱毋庸置疑，但将其转化为可持续发展的事业，却是另一番挑战。每一天，我都会想放弃插画副业，把绘画当成纯粹的爱好。然而，每当念头萌生，却又难以割舍，心存侥幸，或许坚持一下，就能迎来突破。我尝试了各种不同的风格，这几年也结交了一小部分喜爱我的作品的人。我希望在未来能调整好自己的心态，不再在放弃和坚持之间徘徊。既然这是我热爱的事业，就不应总是挂在嘴边提及放弃。
最近，我常常思索着为何会有这种漂泊的感觉。我知道自己要去的地方，但却迷失了方向。后来，我告诉自己，也许无需弄清楚这种漂泊的意义。也许漂泊正是人生必经之旅。也许这并不是一种负面感受?
我真心希望在插画副业的坎坷道路上能看到曙光。但我告诉自己要保持平常心，给自己足够的时间去创作自己喜欢的东西。因此，我想通过插画来述说我的故事和心情。每一次拿起画笔，都是对生活的一种表达，也是对自己内心世界的探索。我相信，即使漂泊，即使曲折，我也能在这片创作的海洋里找到归属和方向。
你也是那艘漂流的小船吗？如果是这样，我就看到你了。